I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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