My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
