his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
