At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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