omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
