Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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