saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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