Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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