Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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