There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
