I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize