im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
