sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
