my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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