im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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