got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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