I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I need moral support for this bender
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
