he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
