It's Friday. Sex?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
