He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
