Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
