True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He passed out mid-signature
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
