I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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