OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
did you just send me my own nude
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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