1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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