I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
