bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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