Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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