wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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