How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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