Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
