What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
