I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
