I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
