You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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