so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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