and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hippo gnu deer
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
