But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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