Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning

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(518): View more from New York

im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.

(478): View more from Georgia

Moment of silence for the loss of that option.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like

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(386): View more from Florida

Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.

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(440): View more from Ohio

You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.

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