Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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