Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
