Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
