Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
