I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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