So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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