He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
