I think my fart just growled at me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
