To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize