That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
