went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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