This is not my ceiling
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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