Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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