Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
