My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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