Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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