I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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