He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
