the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
