there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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