i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
