I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
