I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
