We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
