NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
