I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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