Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dick very happy bro
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
