He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
