I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
