If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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