Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
