are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
True strength comes from lack of pants
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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