i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this boner is exhausting
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
