Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
