DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
