I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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