just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize