She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
