Will you blow on my dice?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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