we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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