We got so high we made milksteak
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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