the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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