if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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