I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
