I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
