My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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