He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
