Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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