Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
