Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
