In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
