i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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