She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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