I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
