i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
