Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
