I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
