And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
