3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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