mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
