Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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