dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
