We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
