The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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