Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
