I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
