It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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