don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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