It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
