if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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