i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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