apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
