she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize