I look better un-naked...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
