I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
so much tequila, so little girl.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
