there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
